My way out of fear

I’m on my way to a new adventure and so eager to see if everything works out.

About an hour ago, I arrived at the airport two hours late. Why was I late? Well, maybe I have calculated the time a little too tightly and did not plan to get into a wrong bus. But hey, I’m on the (real) plane and I’m on my way to Barcelona. I haven’t dared to do that myself before.

You’re probably wondering how a person like me, who has just gone through the most difficult phase of his anxiety so far, spontaneously says he’s flying to Barcelona by himself. I can understand that.

But I’m doing very well right now and after two shitty (excuse the expression) Coronajahren I’m finally able to meet new people. I want to make the most of this opportunity. Because the psyche is unpredictable.

Okay, I admit, you don’t have to go straight abroad to meet new people. Especially if you don’t speak a word of Spanish. But that’s what appeals to me about the whole thing.

I can’t tell you yet if I’m going to regret all this. What I can definitely tell you is that I am absolutely willing to face all my fears right here and now and to find the person I lost for years and always wanted to be. Crazy, turned up and full of stupid ideas.

You can’t imagine how free I’ve felt since I’ve been the way I am. Until now, I’ve always thought I’m too crazy for people, that I’m nervous with my kind of stuff, or anything else wrong. In the last few weeks, everyone, but especially myself, has convinced me of the opposite.

Right now, I want to leave behind the part that was afraid of everything and everyone and tortured herself out of bed for months just to show that he’s still alive. Sure, it will always remain a part of me and it can come back at any time. However, I’ll take care of it when the time comes. Now I’m here on the plane.

So far, I’ve received positive feedback and respect, that I’m going through with it and live my life in this way and in this way. It’s brave, yes. But a very good friend once told me that this is what it takes to replace and develop. To put the past behind us once and for all. I’m thinking of you right now, and I’m incredibly grateful for those words.

Now let’s be brave together!