Loss can hurt!

Why does everyone say you should listen to your gut and feelings when making decisions, when it feels like shit afterwards? When it hurts? When you feel like you're going to go to pieces?

Again, I should have listened to my heart, to my gut feeling. Because it's right every time. I thought... This anger that is building up in me right now, my disappointment cannot be put into words. I'm angry and jealous. Because you can drive my rage to infinity and yet you always hang me up when I'm feeling bad. Except now. Now for the first time I'm all alone with my problems. I have to learn, yes.

The one thought that tears you away from everything you've learned and sends you plummeting back into the deepest hole...need someone to talk to and no one is there. It's okay if I hide every tear just to make you look good. Why have you, have you, have I changed so much?

And now I'm sad. No longer angry. The anger has ignited, like fireworks and now there is only sadness left. About losing you. That things will probably never be the same again...Maybe it's a good thing...Maybe we're both evolving because of it. But maybe I also have some regrets. A little spark that still had hope that everything would be alright again. Now it's every man for himself. We have to sort it out for ourselves. No longer has the other to comfort them. Maybe that's a good thing...maybe it makes us stronger.

We both have to start over and leave all that behind.

Hasn't everyone had this experience once? A loss by a loved one? No matter if it's a breakup, death or a break off contact...everyone has to go through such an experience at least once in their life. And I can tell you that it is anything but easy. You are allowed to cry, you are allowed to be sad. If you are also going through such a phase like me, then let's feel the pain together. Let's try to take a little of each other's pain away. Yesterday when it happened, I immediately went to my best friend and he did just that: shared the burden with me. He took me in his arms and tried to take some of the pain away. But it hurts and it's allowed to hurt. It's not easy for anyone, because otherwise what happened wouldn't have happened. And you wouldn't be where you are right now. You are not alone, always remember that.

February, 2022