Are you already alive or are you still fulfilling expectations?

Sometimes I wonder how, after school, if you have just come of age, you should make the decision for your life, what you want to do professionally. All your life, from kindergarten to primary school and secondary school, you’ve been told how to live. Schooling is compulsory in Germany up to the 9th year of schooling. Until then, you don’t have to make your own decisions. At least not life-threatening decisions. Yeah, and then it’s all over. There are no more guidelines and now it’s up to you to make the right decision. What do most people do nowadays? An Abitur, because they understandably don’t feel mature enough to decide what they want to do after school. They want to delay this important decision for just under three years because they are afraid. Fear of what comes next, what happens next...

Unfortunately, the expectations of others are often added. Many parents of those I’ve met expect the best possible graduation from their child. Maybe because they themselves regretted never having made that degree. Either because they lacked the opportunities, no one believed in them or because they came from a working-class family in which it was not customary to complete an Abitur including studies. But the reasons don’t really matter. The fact is that they unspokenly expect their children to achieve something. I am convinced that most parents only want the best for their children, but all too often they forget the enormous pressure that creates. In such a case, as a child, one does not dare to complete one’s thoughts about one’s dream job or one’s education, because one is afraid of failing. Because you’re afraid to let down your parents, who mean the most to you. And since, as already mentioned, you are still much too young to make such an important decision, the parents take over. Nobody realizes that you’re totally unhappy in what you’re doing, because you’re just perfect at hiding the truth. For me, it’s like wondering how I’m doing. In most cases, the answer is that you’re fine because you don’t have much interest in explaining what’s bothering you right now. The career is similar. When you ask a relative or acquaintance how you like studying or training or how school is going, you usually answer “good”.” On the one hand, because you are afraid to give free space to your real thoughts, and on the other, because you are afraid of reality or don’t want to talk about it.

The last and most important thing that prevents you from making your own decision or changing your decision in the course of a journey is the expectations of others and the thoughts of what others think about you and the fear of failure. When I graduated from a university of applied sciences (yes, I deliberately don’t say that I dropped out), I kept thinking about these things. I knew very well that everyone expected me to take the Abitur. Of course, my grades and my cooperation have largely supported this. But unfortunately there came a disease in between, which I had consistently ignored for years and talked me out of. Others may have realized that the path they are taking is not the right one for them. And that, too, is completely human. Sometimes in life you make decisions that can change over time. But maybe even at the beginning of your education, your studies or your way to school / ... you just didn’t have the courage to go your own individual way, because everyone in your family experienced it differently. Courage takes time and does not come from one day to the next.

To get back to the fear of failure that I was talking about, it’s been instilled in this society from an early age that you’re only disciplined when you complete something and don’t stop in the middle of it. You’re a loser if you give up, a loser if you change your mind.

In my opinion, however, you are disciplined and determined if you follow your OWN desires and dreams and not the expectations of others who do not really meet your wishes.

The expectations of others become your own, which is why you probably convince yourself to be a failure when you quit school, change your course of study or education, etc. You’re telling yourself that the time you’ve invested so far in this one path that was expected of you is a waste of your life. That you’ve learned everything you’ve learned for nothing. But you know what? You’re getting smarter with everything you learn. Everything you learn will take you further. Whether in your own development or in your later career does not matter. In my opinion, it’s a waste of life if you continue to fulfill other people’s expectations instead of living your own life.

Because people who want your best and love you will support you in your decision. The only thing they care about is that you’re happy and that you’re okay. And that only works in the long run if you’re passionate about what you’re doing. And now live your life with the choices you make.

(Here I mainly tell stories and situations that I have heard from friends and acquaintances, but which do not correspond 100% to my own experiences. So if you read this, Mama: Thank you for not expecting me to always come home with the best grades and for always supporting me in my decisions. They should write behind their ears, when the child comes home with a bad grade, to relieve the pressure on their children: “Oh, that happens every time. Next time it’ll be better again:””)